The Tapas Tirade

**Note: This was originally posted on Facebook on the Back Porch Spice Page about two years ago.  It is worthy to note that how I present my opinion of people that think their food is "That Good" when it really isn't remains true.  I get that some people can get away with charging what they want for "Small Food" but they better know that people are watching.  People like you and I that seriously eat...and then talk about it.  As an additional note, the restaurant in question has since closed, changed hands, and the current owners know and serve fantastic Tapas.  Please see the post "Why a Mean Night Out is a Good Thing". **


This is NOT a recipe. it is a full-on gripe session for ANYONE that dares to serve Tapas and advertise it as such. If you own a restaurant and you are reading this, my gile and ire are aimed directly at you...unless you truly understand Tapas and are willing to abide by The Rules of Tapas.

In a recipe posted (Chicken and Ziti Pasta in a Smoked Ghuda Red Pepper Sauce), I mentioned that the recipe came from a restaurant that is now closed. I firmly believe that one of the reasons for its failure was that they sold Tapas at anywhere from $7-$12 a pop. When I saw the menu I immediately uttered various profanities, turned, and walked away. There was a Taste of Carrollton, GA event at which I was able to get the idea for the recipe mentioned, but for what he was charging for Tapas, I never spent a cent in the joint. Don't get me wrong: I am more than willing to drop a large bill on a dinner or dish that I know is worth it but when you tell me that I am going to get something the size of a tea saucer with only a small samples on it for $10, that stuff better be trimmed in Gold Leaf and served by the ghost of Julia Child.

Tapas was and is small snacks that are ordered in various quantities. They are designed to be samplings and snacks enjoyed with various wines as either an ongoing appetizer prior to the late dinners that most Spaniards indulge in or as a cheap way to enjoy most of the menu of a restaurant one small taste at a time and any good Spanish restaurant knows that Tapas is a money maker based on the wine that you sell with it. 

It is not unusual to watch a dozen students walk into a restaurant or Tapas Bar and spend $30 on Tapas and $70 on wine and be gone in an hour. So why in the Name of God does someone think they have food good enough to charge $10 for a small portion of it? Ok, I get the fancier fusion places and the molecular gastronomy joints that are on the culinary cutting edge but as far as good food in small quantities goes, give me a dish that runs from $3-$5 and watch me order 5-10 of those yummies. And in case you're wondering, I will spend the money on wine to go with it. If it means ordering 5 different bottles of 5 different types, I will order it.

If you are in the Atlanta area or its outskirts and you think you have the Tapas thing down, do yourself a favor. Research Tapas, study Tapas, for the Love of Pete spend the money and buy a ticket to Spain and freakin HAVE REAL TAPAS before you get so pretentious as to think that someone is going to walk in, order $100 worth of Tapas, drink wine and then pay you for a meal that may or may not be worth what you think it is.

Again, dont get me wrong. Much to the chagrin of my lovely Girl Gina, I will spend seriously for something that is worth it. If I go to New Orleans and get a full on Shrimp Po Boy, it will cost me around $12 for a good one. Why in the Name of God would I come to Atlanta and pay $30 for the same thing? Answer: I wouldn't. Why would I have enjoyed true Spanish Tapas for $3-$5...in freakin Spain no less...only to have some pompous ass who has to pay for his culinary degree charge me $20 for the same in and around Atlanta? Answer: I would not and will not.

Sometimes the idea of tradition and some creative math have to supplant what people think of as skill and all important act of paying for thier over priced degree (and from some of the food I've had from so-called Trained Chefs, they were ripped off). Realize that the money made on the wine will be fine, sell small samples of the fare you offer, make sure the Tapas price is next to the meal price on the menu, let them eat at the bar so the expensive table space is not taken up, and you might just get someone like me at your place. You know, someone that remembers that I had a Tapas sample of a freaking incredible dish that I am bound and determined to go back and get as an entree with all the trimmings, ambience...and all the wine I mentioned.

If you decide to remain that pretentious fop that thinks I am paying you for candles and white and black uniforms, then I will eat Burger King in front of your window just so I can bust your chops like you tried to bust mine. And even though I hate and despise ketchup I will, By God, make sure I use a ton of it just so you can see. I promise I will even try to throw the bag away inside your place so your customers can smell the french fry grease and I will do so as often as I need to until you take the word "Tapas" off your menu or honor it as the simple tradition it was meant to be.


Party Well, Eat Better,
Rob